HA

HAHA This is why I didn't want to start a blog in the first place... I only use it to complain! :(
I'll try to update this with something uplifting and fun sometime. haha

Where to begin?

Even though I am freaking out about finals (which are in less than a week!), I am still procrastinating.

Boy this is going to bite me in the butt later.

Mood

우을

Ahh

My stomach is knotted half the time. I'm so anxious when I'm awake that when I sleep, I have nightmares too. I'm pressed for time and unhappy half the time. I hate winter quarters.

There. It's all out.

I just want to leave for China right now.

Not often enough

Don't you just have that warm fuzzy feeling every time you do a good deed? Whether it is helping someone with their car, feeding the homeless, or carrying the grocery for someone else; doesn't it just make you happy?

How often does that warm feeling come? How often do we really go out of our way to help each other?

Every time I do something good, I smile to myself, thinking what a good person I am. But what does it mean to be a "good person?" Doing these good deeds every so often and then giving yourself a pat on the back for it?

Awhile back, I saw a homeless person at the intersection of the street. I decided that, "Today, I will be that good person." I went to a Ralphs nearby and bought a sandwich, some random snack foods, and a huge water bottle. (I have a thing against just giving money to the homeless). I then proceeded to return back to the intersection but he was gone already.

Despite the deed not being carried through completely, I was so proud of myself. I thought, "Dang. I am such a good person to even do this."

Thinking back, I feel so ashamed to even say this.

Just because on that one day, in that one month, I decided to do something like this. That makes me so proud and be able to label myself as "good?" Really?

It just comes down to this: I don't help people often enough. These times are few and hard to come by which makes me feel that much more proud when I do do something. This is the real issue. How often do we lend out a hand and help those in need (not necessarily just the homeless, but how about your hurting neighbors?) When we see someone in need, we tend to ignore it thinking that "it's their problem not mine," "I'm sure they've got it figured out," or even "why should I?" And when we do decide to help, we feel good. We feel as if we ARE good people.

It's good to have that warm feeling. And it is definitely good to do good. But next time, I will for sure be a lot more humble. I don't give because I want to be known as good or because I want to make MYSELF feel better.

In the act of giving, the spotlight belongs to the person being helped, not oneself. That is something I will be sure to remember next time.


Have you helped someone today?

It's a disorder

I hate that I know that I'm procrastinating and that I'll be regretting it later but I still don't do anything about it. All I want to do is surf the net and watch dramas and sleep.

Winter quarter is wearing me down already and it is only week 4.

Random

So George has convinced me that I am in need of a blog to let go of the inner me and let the world help me with my problems.

I got the first part done: getting a blog.

I'll keep you all updated on if I'm ready to reveal more about my inner world and if I'll let you guys help.

Until then, cheers.